Toddler Nightmares: Why They Happen and How to Help
There are few things more heart-stopping and heartbreaking as a parent than hearing your little one scream out for you in the middle of the night, only to find them wide-eyed or crying… because of a nightmare.
Kids first start having nightmares around the age of 24 months, with episodes peaking between ages 3 and 6 years old. This is an age when normal fears emerge, imagination flourishes, and communication improves (making it easier to share when they’ve had a bad dream).
If your little is having nightmares, should you worry? Well, nightmares are a very common way to process emotions and information (even for us adults!), and your kiddo will eventually grow out of them. (Phew!)
But in the meantime, here’s everything you need to know about nightmares and toddler sleep!
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Nightmares vs. night terrors
Night terrors actually sound worse than they really are. Your kiddo actually doesn’t even realize it’s happening, and they won’t remember the episode when they wake up. Thank goodness.
We still don’t know exactly why night terrors happen, although they are hereditary. So if you had them as a child, or even if you were a sleepwalker in your day, your little may experience them too.
So, what’s the difference? Night terrors aren’t associated with visual imagery like dreams and nightmares are. Your little might scream and thrash around in the middle of the night, but likely, if they’re still asleep (even if crying out), it’s a night terror. But if your kiddo wakes up crying or fearful, is communicating with you, and has trouble getting back to sleep, chances are they've had a nightmare.
What causes nightmares?
No one knows exactly what causes nightmares but kiddos often use dreams (and, yes, sometimes nightmares) to process their thoughts, feelings, and new information. And because toddlers and younger kids can have a hard time separating reality from make-believe, quite a few things in their waking life (like a big spider or new teacher) can cause stress and anxiety that create scary situations in their dreaming life.
Sleep cycles are also lasting longer for toddlers, which means there is more time spent in light “dream” sleep – which also means more time for nightmares, potentially.
An erratic sleep schedule, being overtired, a fever or certain medications can also trigger nightmares.
For a child working through their feelings and analyzing their day (which are both healthy behaviors, BTW!), nightmares are a normal response. You're not a bad parent if your child has them.
Helping your child deal with nightmares
Nightmares are common, but that doesn’t make them any less scary. And little ones are still learning the difference between real and make-believe, so a bad dream can be even more confusing and scary. Here’s how to help them get a good night’s sleep and have sweet dreams.
Reassure your kiddo that you’re there for them. If your little cries out for you after a nightmare, you absolutely can and should go check on them. Physical reassurance is important, so giving them a hug or rubbing their back until they calm down can help a lot. Just be wary of bringing your little into your bed with you, it can create a habit that’s hard to reverse. I suggest laying down in their bed if bringing them to your bed can create a new “thing”.
Have a calming bedtime routine in place. A warm bath, encouraging bedtime story, and cuddles can help keep nightmares at bay too since it can reduce your little’s stress before they go to sleep.
Share your experience with them. Telling your little one that you remember when you had bad dreams as a kid too can help normalize what they’re feeling and connect with them at the same time. You can also offer suggestions about what you did when you felt scared - cuddled your teddy bear, flipped your pillow over to the cool side, or told yourself that’s not what you wanted to dream about and you picked a happy thought instead like playing with your mom/grandma.
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What not to do after a nightmare
Dismissing your child’s nightmare by saying “It’s only a dream,” will not be helpful. Kiddos are still learning what dreams are, and won’t understand what you mean – plus it’s dismissing their feeling and experience of being scared.
A common strategy that families often hear about in helping their toddlers or older kids with bedtime fears is using “magic monster spray” that gets rid of the bad dreams and any monsters. I have to say I am not a big fan of monster spray, and here’s why.
Telling your child that you’re using monster spray is more of a quick-fix strategy that may work in the short-term, but doesn’t not help your little one in the long-run. It doesn’t work in the long-run because we aren’t getting to the route of what your child is scared about.
What we need to do is remind them that they are safe and loved. Monster spray ends up playing into the idea that there are really monsters out there to spray… which, of course, there aren’t. It leaves the impression that monsters might be real, they might be in their room, and the monster spray will help keep them away.
But if your child has a really good imagination, which many do, their feared monster will:
Find a way around the magic monster spray
Become immune to the monster spray
Evolve so their monster is not affected by the magic monster spray anymore
You’d be surprised at what some littles come up with!
Imagination is powerful, so I always go with truth telling – no matter the topic. One of the best things about truth telling is that we get to teach our children healthy ways of handling these big emotions while building safety and trust.
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For most kiddos, nightmares happen just once in a while and are not cause for concern – they simply require your comfort and reassurance.
If nightmares have impacted your little’s sleep and you want to get things back on track or if you want help setting up a calming bedtime routine, then we’re here to help! You can schedule a free consultation call by clicking here.